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dont even know [05 Sep 2009|06:24pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

okay so wow, i just realized i wanted to write in this lol. so i used to write in here about dumb shit all the time so i want to do that now,
so i have a boyfriend, who is amazing, but things are just so weird lately and i dont really know what to do i dont want to talk to him about it because im afraid he will just either get mad or think that im just making it up in my head, which idk maybe i am maybe im not but still its been bothering me. and i dont really want to talk to any friends about it because its just something i dont think they would understand because its hard to explain without sounding like a fool. and i dont want them to think hes a jerk because hes not and i dont know really what to do,
on top of that its that time of year again when i start to get sad because my grandpas birthday is coming up :( and i miss hims so much lately, but i cant really do anything about that.
okay i kinda feel better now lol but im for sure going to use this more, i know i saw that all the time haha but i really will.


Are you giving up this fight?

holyy crap [29 Jun 2009|04:49pm]
[ mood | anxious ]


i love it!

Are you giving up this fight?

holy shit [23 Mar 2008|02:56pm]
I havent wrote in this thing in FOREVER!
But I missed it so I wanted to write <3
Its Easter! Joy.
Maybe I will start using this baby more often :)

Are you giving up this fight?

in terms of love [03 Dec 2006|06:11am]
[ mood | confused ]

love.really what is it? because i really dont understand, there are so many different things to explain it.Ive never been in love maybe thats why i dont get it. but everyone else around me is, thats what it seems like anyway. boys are so confusing to me right now. I dont know really what im talking about because im just rambleing about things i have no idea about. but really i just want to meet a guy, who isnt an asshole i know some guys who are reading this are thinking im a good guy wow whatever, but to be honest i havent been really one good guy who cares about a girls feelings, who wants to talk, who likes to listen, and who cares =/
Most guys are just about sex
please tell me if you arnt
cuz its pissing me off

Are you giving up this fight?

[30 Nov 2006|01:16am]
[ mood | grateful ]

SOO yeah i havent wrote in a long time even though i really wanted to there is a lot of things that changed, i went to a soup kitchen today with JROTC and we went and it was kinda scary at first because it was in D TOWN.But other than that it was a really good thing to do and we went into this AMAZING church it was seriously i wanted to cry because it was so beautiful. I dont really feel good right now but will is over there working out, like always lmao. But corey and mike are playing video games and i havent been on the computer is SO long so i am kinda just taking over.
there are a lot of things going on right now but i am talking to victor and i got it all off my chest.lol =]
Well i am going to maybe write tomorrow since i get my internet back, which is amazing <3

Are you giving up this fight?

..... [10 Nov 2006|09:02pm]
[ mood | content ]

I havent wrote in a while, so much for writing everday huh! ha.Well school is going okay i guess its pretty boring, and im not going to lie i havent really learned anything new since i started school.except that body tattoos can kill you, which wasnt even in one of my classes.
I have to work today then i am hanging out with David and Jimmy.cool cool, i feel like crap though because i think me and my sister either both have the stomach flew of just feel like crap. Plus on top of that i have a urineary tract infection not cool :[[
i had to leave the class 4 times during 3rd hour i felt like a freak.
so i am going to go now, and play video games.haha

Are you giving up this fight?

finally. [27 Oct 2006|01:55am]
[ mood | lmfao ]

I havent really wrote in a while but i just felt like it, the only reason i havent is because like i have been so busy lately. A lot of things have changed. and so have a lot of people some for the good, some not so good. I have learned not to let anything bother me anymore, you know what to be honest none of this gay stuff is ever going to matter to me after i graduate. seriously i mean come on am i even going to talk to these people in a year. prolly not, but if i am then oh well maybe some people will have grown a brain by then.
Guys, as of now i dont really care for the male species, ha they are getting on my last nerve.People need to learn that maybe the one thing you wanted all along was right there, but you are too immature to handle a actual relationship, because you just want this perfect one with someone because they are "hott" well news flash they arnt always hott their whole life. grow up.
And you may think about how finally someone likes you because now you have changed your look cute girls like you, what about the ones who have liked you all along? you dont even notice, youre completely blind.
i dont want to go to work tomorrow. but i got to go shopping today with lindsey and get a new outfit and stuff <33 awesome.


Are you giving up this fight?

water. [08 Oct 2006|06:28pm]
[ mood | hehe ]

well so last night was pretty cool. i hung out with mike corey kim and will for a little bit then i came home at like 4 am. hahhaha i finally saw wedding crashers! it is an awesome movie.
today i had to work from 1-5 and now i am at home playing games with coery and will. haha

I am getting really sick of some people thinking that they know everything though. but i am pretty much done caring about them because they are kinda a waste of life,to me at this point. So this weeked is homecoming and i am pretty excited about that because i didnt really want to go at first but then i really did want to go because its like my last one. i am really in love with my homecomging dress though even though i almost wasnt going to be able to get it because i didnt have enough money, i am getting hair extensions for the dance. and my mom is being really nice to me lately.
well things are getting pretty awesome with my love life. uhh well not really. because its gay when you dont talk to someone for about a month and a half and then they all of a sudden want to talk to you again then these feelings come back even though they wernt there from the begining.
and sometimes i think i like someone but then i realize that nothing is pretty much going to happen because the friendship is too strong. i dont want to mess things up. but its hard to hang out with someone all the time and be attracted to them but not end up having feelings for them because i do. i try to hide them but sometimes you can just notice that they are there. I just wish for once that a guy wouldnt mess with my head and make me think they like me then all of a sudden they just change there mind. because then again sometimes it just gets really old.most of the guys i talk to are just stupid and they will make me think they like me but then they just are too much about all the looks and they just want someone who is like beautiful. sometimes its not even about the looks, to be completely honest looks dont really dont matter to me. its really about how well they treat me because i dont really want someone who is going to treat me like something they just want to keep me around for some reason to have someone there because they just want to have someone and they dont really even care about me.


1 don't care enough to try..
Are you giving up this fight?

boored on friday night awesome. [06 Oct 2006|11:19pm]
well thats cool sitting at home on friday, what a fag i am. who cares actually because you know i dont need to go anywhere.wtf well first of all school can suck my wang at this point. And so can some people at this point actually. people who think they are better than everyone else
get fucking over yourself. seriously. youre not fucking fabulous. get a life.
well i will prolly write tomorrow because i am really sleepy :[
but goodnight anyway.

Are you giving up this fight?

today. [01 Oct 2006|10:45pm]
[ mood | FUCK OFF ]

So i worked today. pretty much gay, all day at work it just so cool.haha not really. but i talked to daniel which is a new development because he hates me lately. I kinda miss him because well we used to be like good friends he was a cool cat :] Latley i really dislike drama, and i dislike how people think they can just treat other people how ever they want to even though it hurts the other persons feelings. I think thats pretty fucked up if you act like you care about someone then all of a sudden you turn into this asshole. who doesnt give a shit about anything or anyones feelings. i am so sick of guys and sometimes its not even guys its everyone, they take advatange of me being a nice person i know i can be a bitch sometimes but its just beacuse i cant take it. then there is those people who think they are like the fucking master well i have two words for you FUCK OFF. You know what its only a game with people till someones fucking feelings get hurt. then its time to say its over. because some people just cant take the pain anymore. you need to grow the hell up and maybe get a fucking brain. and i also hate that i cant talk to anyone beacuse it somehow turns around on me and i am the asshole. well im not.and second if you are reading this thinking wow this bitch is nuts dont post an entry just to complain well fuck off dont read it then, i can do whatever i want delete me if you dont like it. And another thing i am pretty much done being nice to people from now on. Because everytime i do they always fuck me over. so thanks for hurting me, thanks for making me sad, thanks for adding another crack in my broken heart, thanks for listening and pretending to care.

Are you giving up this fight?

@$*(&_%^@$ [15 Aug 2006|01:42am]
[ mood | tired ]

So i got off work at 11:45 and i am pretty sleepy, but i dont wanna go to bed right now.hah but yeah so last night i hung out with corey, mike d, mike w, and joe for a little bit then mike && joe left and i was with corey and mike d till about 5:45 in the morning haha and i woke up at 3:00 which is the time i was supposed to start work. of corse lol so i went in at 3:30 my mom didnt even know where i was, she asked me ohhh you were at home?? hah she is a freak. my eyes hurt pretty bad from sitting at the computer with no lights on and staring at the screen.
I miss writing in my live journal everyday. i always forget, there really isnt anything interesting going on right now. Me and Nicole went to the Allisons Hope Show saturday pretty suhweet i love them. freakin mike was being metal he cracks me up. I really need to go to the mall soon though. to get things. i havent went shopping in forever!!
On the other hand work has been kinda weird, but the manager that hates me is on vacation so its all good.hah nicole filled out an app. lets hope she gets a job then we can partayy hah!! i love the people i work with because stupid ugly fucking olivia isnt there haahha!! but i really wanna switch to floral, i might have to wait till i turn 18 though.
well i am going to go to bed before i pass out on the computer and prolly like start a fire or something :] haha thats just stupid.

Are you giving up this fight?

OHHGEE [05 Aug 2006|01:43pm]
[ mood | LMFAO ]

well yes i pretty much should write in this everyday,but i dont. although i am going to start now because i just discoverd that i could again.hah well things have been sweet lately summer is almost over then back to shit school. :[ not to happy about that. but then again who is. haha. well i have a job now. i work at stupid kroger with my mother, but its really fun i like it a lot. my room is messy and i should clean it. but i wont. i work at 3:15 till 7:30 thats like the stupidest shift ever. lol, i met a lot of people from work they are pretty sweet <3 but i am going to get ready for work now, so i will write tomorrow its my goal to write in it everyday now!!!! Byeee!<3

1 don't care enough to try..
Are you giving up this fight?

update.. [11 May 2006|03:43pm]

Yes well I havent wrote in a long time. But I feel like it. Things are weird lately like people in my school really piss me off, first the talk shit about you then you guys are like friends and then you find out they never really stopped talking shit about you.
That makes me mad DONT I mean DONT talk shit about me unless you KNOW me. otherwise you have no reason to. Thank you.
&& dont act like my friend if you arnt. I would really appriciate it.

People are being so different lately, one of my best friends doesnt ever hang out with me anymore, she would rather be with her boyfriend who treats her like shit she doesnt need him and I dont know why she still even talks to him after the shit he did to her.
I am meeing a lot of new people its great like people from 180 ( youth group ) They are amazingg <33 I love them so much.
For the first time ever in my life. I havent cried in like almost 3 weeks. Its AMAZING =D I usually cry everyday because of my depression but its gotten so much better. Which is good. I played in the rain yesterday with Brittayn TaTa!! It was awesome. I cant wait to go to the zoo tomorrow because its going to prolly be the best ever. I love the zoo =)

Today is like the first day in a while I am not leaving my house to go hang out with anyone =(
but its okay it will prolly do me some good huh :)

well I'm off to listen to backstreet <3

1 don't care enough to try..
Are you giving up this fight?

Photobucket [21 Feb 2006|02:41pm]
This is a test post from Photobucket.com

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SHIT IDIOT GIRL. [03 Jan 2006|03:19am]
[ mood | ggrrr sleepy ]

So today was pretty fun. I invited a bunch of people over and then they said they couldnt come. Then I got drunk and freakin acted like an idiot. And Stephanie Jayme Tommy Wiccan John Garrett Mike Sam Brian all came over. Weird. We played Battle of the sexes FREAKIN WEIRD ASS GAME.Wiccan was like my partner kinda thing and he was freakin me out but it was really funny he knew answers that freakin no1 would ever guess.lol
So I pretty much hate school & I never wanna go back I dont feel like really moving out of this chair but I'm really sleepy.This has been by far the best break I ever had I made new friends and got to know people better it was fun. & got some sweet pics too =] Tomorrow me and stephanie are going to the river to watch the water with all the ice in it.
I hung out with stephanie and jayme pretty much all break and I pretty much hung out with eric & john all break and mostly tommy & wiccan. It was really fun we went to the Pool Hall A LOT.lol I SUCK at pool badly. New years was suhhweeet! I went to Natiles house I didnt really know her that well but we had fun I didnt get a midnight kiss I really wanted but I kissed a few people on the cheak.lol Even though the person I wanted to kiss was right behind me. =0
But I am going to bed because there is really no1 else in the world who is up right now..lol So Good Night*

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Just another page in your book of lies.... [28 Dec 2005|04:53pm]
[ mood | disappointed & confused.... ]

Soo.Havent wrote in a while huh! Well nothing really has been going on but break is going okay its fun I met a lot of new people and they are sweet. So I know now that I cant like john anymore because there is no point because he doesnt care about me at all. =/ That upset me A LOT last night like I started crying but I sm used to it I guess. Heart break is pretty much my lifetime feeling. Guys can be so confusing sometimes why cant I just find one that actually wont play games with my head then step on my heart I am getting sick of it. It makes me want to NEVER let anyone in to get to know me ever again because every time I try I just get shut down. It feels like someone took my heart & ran over it with a truck then put it in a blender. Its not a good feeling let me tell you.=/ & then again there are people who can have relationships and they dont desirve them because they take it for granted. Idk but sometimes I think wow is any of this even going to matter in 5 years or even 2 years NO its not at all. So there is this thing about cutting now thats been bothering me for like a week everytime I think about something sad or like people that hurt me I think about cutting even though I know I wont do it. I just get this sudden feeling to pick up a knife or something sharp. Its really scary I know its not good so I just try and like block it out and stop but sometimes its like I will be laying there thinking and then I will just think about how if would feel to cut. But I CANT watch people do it I CANT look at it when people do it I wanna SCREAM so I dont get it. When I see it on T.V and stuff I just get soo like EEEKKK and I wanna like scream so loud. & sometimes I will look at my arm where I used to have scars there and they are gone but I can still see them there. Its weird.But I have no idea what I am gonna do tonight so I am gonna go.


Are you giving up this fight?

I just wanna wake up.... [23 Dec 2005|09:42am]
[ mood | trying to wake up! ]

Sooo...<--thats stephanie's favorite word btw =]
Well last night I didnt do much of anything because there was nothing to do even though I have no school tomorrow haha. Wednsday when we got out I went to paige's party with Leah and we hung out and then went to her house & her mom drove us to my house. Then she stayed the night we had wendy's haha my stomach hurt sooo bad..hah!
I cleaned my room last night well at least I started haha I didnt really finish because its taking wayyyy too long.hah But I found soo much stuff in here like OLD pictures from like 8th grade and from like when I was little! They are really funny.
& I have been listening to the Mae CD getting ready for that concert! haha I love this CD thats to Jeff cuz he made me it =]
So I am prolly hanging out with Eric tonight because I freakin miss him like you will never know.lol I havent seen him in so long its sad =[ & we are prolly going to stop at Stephanie & Jayme's because I love them too! I think John is going with us or something..oh greeatttt! haha
Yah I am pretty much addicted to making icons on this one web site I get a new icon like everyday.lol Its sooo fun making them & myspace is being so stupid it is down untill later and its making me mad because I have nothing else to do till like 3 o'clock. I painted my nails last night they are light pink with dots..lol Yeah so I am addicted to this mae CD also & yellowcard because they are stuck in my head. & this CD hasnt left my DVD player in 3 days..lol :] My mom made me get up because my cousin is here which idk why that effected me.lol So New Years is going to be sooooo freakin sweet Me & Stephanie are going to kiss boys at midnight. Well Stephanie is going to have sex because its the cool thing to do.lmao! & because she is a buckbeak.=] Well I am going to go clean I guess. or maybe fight Tom from myspace because he is a loser!

1 don't care enough to try..
Are you giving up this fight?

yeah boy [20 Dec 2005|04:14pm]
[ mood | hahaha ]

So pretty much the Hellogoodbye concert was amazing like for sure =] I had the bEST time ever! I cant wait till they come in like march with Panic! at the disco and acceptance I will freakin cry!!..lol
So this weekend was fun friday I went to the Allisons Hope show & That was something was there too they are freakin sweet. I got the sweetest pics of nick & brian =] lol then saturday I was over Melissa's we went to the mall for a bit and I like saw everyone there. lol Sunday me & melissa didnt really do anything we watched movies Emily Rose is freakin scary!!! =0
We get out of school tomorrow I am really excited to go on break! I get to sleep haha So today I am going to hang out with Lindsey & John! This weekend I am supposed to hang out with Eric sometime lol I havent seen him in about forever!! So my JROTC teacher is an ass I almost kicked him in the face.=] Well I am going to go watch Grounded For Life its a great show :)


2 don't care enough to try..
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We were both 16 & felt so right.... [14 Dec 2005|12:02pm]
[ mood | hehe ]

Hiii I havent wrote in a couple days.Tonight is the hellogoodbye concert I am pretty excited about that. lol Me Stephanie & Jayme are going. Well yeah like everyone is getting boyfriends/girlfriends Craig & Rachel..Tabu & Idk her name.lol Kristie & Mark!! what the heck man.lol
Boys are gay. It sucks when you like someone a lot and they dont even are at all. Like with other guys like when I liked jeff it was soo easy for me to just tell him how I felt but with this guy its different. I cant just come out and tell him. But its like I really dont think he likes me back at all I think he us just one of those guys who is just bored..Idk relationships are confusing..So Thursday I am going to John Murphy's house & he is going to teach me how to play the drums. lol Friday there is an Allisons Hope show. I might go Idk depends if there is something better going on.lol
So my mom was supposed to wake me up this morning but she forgot so I am sitting at home. Last night Steph Jayme Sam Mike & Me all watched OLD movies we made they were sooo funny we all peed.lol Mike didnt really think they were funny but we were like crying we were laughing so hard. Because we were the only people in them but we made up SOO many people..lol!! We are going to watch those when we are like 20 and cry.lol We all looked sick..haha

Well I am going to go shower & then prolly nothing till tonight woo I am excited though!!! =]

1 don't care enough to try..
Are you giving up this fight?

I know that without you I'm giving it away........... [11 Dec 2005|10:59pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Yeah well I havent really wrote in a while.But I felt like it. Because well today was pretty fun Eric came and got me and we took john to work and hung out with stephanie and jayme, we hung out in the basement with candles and sang weird songs.lol It was really fun. Then me and eric went and picked up john from work then we all went back there and just hung out for a bit. Then I came home. Have you ever wondered like why arnt you good enough for some people?? Like why cant I just be good enough I know I'm not the best just sometimes I wish I was at least good enough. I would LOVE to know whats wrong with me exactlly so I can just know.
I miss Jeff sometimes cuz I miss having him there to talk to and tell me everything is going to be fine & that there is nothing wrong with me so to just shut up.lol sounds kinda weird but I miss him. So JROTC is about to be dead I dont even want to go to school now and be in there because I get so mad at it. He is such an ass I mean I have done so much for him and stuff and I did a lot but no that doesnt matter, because he is just an ass. GR I want to kick him in the face.
Well I think I am going to go to bed because I have nothing better to do and I get sick of sitting here.lol So Good Night.

Are you giving up this fight?

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